So I have discussed the scale before and since I started this walking it out journey and sharing it I did involve the scale and weighing myself. I thought this time I was going to stick it out and make myself weigh. Something in me though is reminding me why I stopped and threw the scale in the trash to begin with.
Let me share some of the reasons that I threw it away the first time:
- I thought it was controlling me.
- I thought if I just got rid of it, then I would lose weight and be free.
- I thought about it and looked at it when I went into the bathroom. I had either good thoughts or bad thoughts about it, depending on what number it was telling me.
- If I weighed in the morning and it was not a number that showed a loss-it ruined my day and I was moody completely throughout the day-mad and disgusted.
- I had gone without a scale well over a year. I really NEVER thought about it and was free from that.
- When I went to doctor appointments it was showing about 10-20 pounds higher than when I threw the scale out-so I thought it must be because I stopped weighing that I gained weight.
- I thought perhaps I went into denial because I wasn't seeing my weight. (though all the time I knew my clothes were getting tighter and the measuring tape was not shrinking when I would measure after doing workouts)-and I might add I wasn't really trying to listen to my body a whole lot so results were not really to be expected a whole lot.
- My husband and I started talking about getting healthy, very quick and brief conversation. I read WAYYY into it and said I need a scale. We can weigh ourselves and focus on our progress. So, I searched two days to find a scale like the one I threw away and had all kinds of thoughts about how I used to exercise, eat balanced (though I binged frequently and also was always looking for a quick fix-it ruled my mind-weight loss back after my 1st child and on from there) and so all I needed was the scale back and then I would get this weight down and under control.
- Wow I gave that thing a lot of power doesn't it seem?
- I weighed the first week-and I knew what the scale would say because I had recently weighed at the doctors office. All was good.
- Then I went about my week and didn't weigh until the following week. I was down, score. It was working (though I didn't do anything differently than I had been doing).
- Then the following week I think I let loose and even ate more on purpose subconsciously because the thoughts were there that I had lost weight and ate like this the week before and lost.
- Then I weighed that next week. It was back up. Then I was mad (trying to hide it though). I was frustrated and didn't get it. I tried to stay positive and said I will keep it up and press on. The more I went through the days the more irritated and frustrated I got and the diet thoughts started coming back. I thought, this is not good and the scale is not the thing that is going to fix my weight. I don't need it. So I am done with it. The end. (I will not throw it away as my husband may still want to use it-but it is going to have a new home in the garage.)
Thank you for listening.